Do you ever suddenly feel depressed out of no reason? One second you feel happy and the other you feel so empty and sad that you just feel disconnected?
I am not someone who has always had happy times. From my share of lessons, i learnt to be happy at the moment without thinking. But this sudden extreme turn of emotions are unexplainable sometimes. I love thinking and so these extreme emotions also follows the persuit. When my emotions took a downhill trip i had thoughts even questioning my existence.
What is the point of being alive? Does things i believe makes me happy, acctually make me happy? Thinking about it, ain’t i fantasizing happiness? I felt sooo empty so disconnected. Why did God create us? Why are we alive? Life is so disturbing, no, rather a hastle. We have to push doing things we think we like and what? What next? Nothing, everything ends up in nothing, You dont eat, you turn into nothing, You dont work hard, you have nothing. Everything ends up in nothing ultimately, then why bother? my head asked me. As i sat there confused and sinking in these dark emotions, i honestly thought, what are we afterall. Why are we born if we are ment to perish? Why should we try being happy if life is majorly sad? Why should we work hard if we die with nothing? Why should we love life when death is how much life will ultimately hate you? Why?
I am tired. Tired of trying and tired of trying to live, do things the perfect way, exhausting myself for nothing! I take hours to cook and the dish is finished in a minute. I take hours to paint and a drop of paint to spoils it, I nurture a relation and it just takes words to break it. If negetivity is all that will stay, then why even make an effort!
Its like i am trapped in this dark room and i pretend to see the sunlight and the ocean and the stars until the reality knocks at my door. This blankness, this voidness that people experience is real! No reason but yet you dont feel life is worth enough to be tried to live. What is real and what is an illusion? People tell you so much and all of them turn up to be lies, to get you to agree to them. This world is a huge chaos and i wonder why am i the only one who sees this confusion?
I hope the morning rays tommorrow brings my emotions back to light.