Losing someone close is the biggest fear in everyone’s life. The idea of never seeing them again dreads most of us. But watching someone go through that process questioned my ideology.
In 2018, my dad was very sick. I was shaken. The strongest man in my life was not supposed to be sick. I was ready to fight for him. The journey wasn’t easy, but what hurt me most was watching him in pain. There was a point where he had given up, but I hadn’t. Given the situation, I alerted the hospital staff, and he was brought back to life.
While he was on a ventilator, he woke up, and the first thing he did was try shouting at me for bringing him back. That was the moment I questioned myself—was I being selfish by bringing him back to life? He was definitely in pain. I mean, you tell me—there was a pipe going down his throat into his lungs and he couldn’t even close his mouth. But it didn’t last much longer. As the doctors predicted, he left us in another month or so later.
Years later, my mother-in-law—she is very much alive—but her journey in 2025 hasn’t been easy at all. She had a surgery at 85, was in the ICU in an unconscious state for days, and has been in and out of hospitals since. If an ambulance comes into our residential area, people automatically direct it to our house—that’s the frequency.
Though she has never shouted at me for helping her recover, she often says, “You don’t let me go.” Yes, I don’t. I don’t want to. As long as someone holds on to my hand, I won’t let go. I can move heaven and earth to hold on to them. But seeing her go through painful recovery procedures, I began questioning myself again. Am I being selfish? Is it wrong not to give up on someone?
Recovery is painful. It’s supposed to be. But is their life worth the pain they go through? Do they want me to fight for them? Am I forcing my will on them? All these thoughts run through me as I watch someone recover from something chronic.
