I was watching a series about a woman who felt lost when her husband wanted to file a divorce. To him, she was someone who he couldnt communicate with. Someone he has to always guide. But for her, he was her world. She wanted to do all to reach upto his expectations and in the process she realized allot about which i thought i should write.
The female protagonist had a grandmother as her guardian and married this narcissistic man when she was 20, falling in love with him. He manupilated to the extend that she lived a pitiful life not even realizing her options. And this got me thinking about why someone shouldnt get married at an age that young.
In the olden times, women were preferred to be married off young. The most funny part is that, women were the ones who were most excited about it, when in acctual they were becoming victims. The arguments said in favour to this was that if girls are married young, they grow in this world knowing every details about it, well enough to live happily. But i truely wonder, if not anyone, atleast the parents should have realized that when they “grow into this life”, their ignorance and dependency has a very high chance of their partners turning narcissistic as they feel superior to these young wives. This dependency and ignorance, gives a continuous superior feeling to them and an inferior feeling to the latter. As these complexes grow with time, they dont feel compatible and the marriages crumble. Children become burdens and life becomes a dead fruit waiting to be rotten humus.
Pleasure is a materiaistic need and even though pleasure plays an important role in marriage, respect and understanding plays the most superior role in life. The age of 20 or even a 25 is an age to explore life, gain wisdom about it, recognising your life patterns and learning to predict at least the immediate future. 20 would have been perfect for marriage if kids were not under the protective wings of their guardians. But from the date they free themselves from the wings, they need to explore their limits, understand reality, recognize the bads , enjoy their freedom so that when they find a partner, they are not lost in them one bit.
Loving someone and being a slave to someone is entirely different. . Ofcourse love is a cruitial part in marriage but it is not marriage alone. When you dont mind sacrificing yourself for someone, you love them. But even though you dont mind sacrificing, you and your partner come up with an option where both of you are happy, is marriage. In love you place the other first, in marriage you place yourself and your partner first.
” If love is the star, marriage is the sky”
This understanding is very important before marriage. And to realize this, they need to explore life, life without being in your guardian’s shadow.
I felt sorry for the woman in the series and wondered unlike the woman, how many ladies have lived and are still living a life as such believing its the best she can get. How many more kids would fall into this misunderstanding of love and marriage. How many tears would have rolled down a zillion tender cheeks accepting how life of woman is tough.
Someone once said that ” Life is simple but it is made complicated.” I acctually agree to it as i believe the lack of wisdom sometimes can complicate the most simplest things imaginable.