A very old write up I found

Last year was a huge year for me. I would say so because I learnt a few more things as a mother and also could live a “working woman’s life”.  Last year with a whole lot of enthusiasm I joined my daughter’s school as a teacher. It was a very beautiful experience. I could meet and know 35 new children and soon did we bond quite well too. I still do miss them now but I wouldn’t say I regret taking the decision to resume my home maker tag. One thing I learnt about being a mother is, no matter how big your child becomes there will never be a time when they wouldn’t need you. I say so because last year this was one among the points I gathered to become a working mother. I thought she is 5 years old, and I will be working in her school so rather than missing me, I would be around her so she wouldn’t miss me at all. So I misconstrued it to be a win-win situation. But every time I returned from school what I saw were her eyes searching for my attention when I would be busy with my own homework. She would then slowly stand beside me intending to spend time with me after which, I suppose, but I would on the contrary yell at her saying, “Yuvi! Either finish your home work if you have any or go watch cartoon, DON’T DISTURB ME!”  I wouldn’t say that I didn’t see her becoming sad then, but I ironically do admit that I didn’t mind ignoring it as I thought my work was more important at the point. And when thinking about it now, I didn’t realize that every time I was being appreciated at school for my work, it was actually gained at the cost of my daughter’s happiness. But practically speaking I was physically there with her after school hours, and she didn’t have much to learn at home so that part of my requirement wasn’t there either. I made sure she had all her meals on times, her all physical needs were met. But I wasn’t mentally there with her for the entire year last year and she was taking it bad. At school, I would caress my children when they became sad and appreciate at the simplest improvement they showed, but at home I preferred ignoring my child for my career gains. My children’s parents called me a “motherly teacher” while in real, I was failing at my role as a mother. I didn’t realize all these at that moment until one day God decided to show me my mistakes. As I cared for my children at class, my daughter was also blessed with a loving caring mother like teacher. She always taught her set of children morals and lessons of life besides the academy. May be that would be why Yuvi did not spoil in the one year I ignored her. One day , her madam, walked up to me and asked  what my daily schedules were . Initially I was a little confused on why does she want to know my routine, but very proudly poured in all my work routine believing that I am doing the best I can do. After listening to my entire words, she asked me, “Chanjal, do you know you child misses you?”  I was like “Misses me? How… I mean why? I am always there with her, at school, at home…..??? I don’t get it.”  She simply smiled and told me that she had asked her class about their parents the previous day and my daughter being one among the most reserved children in the class replied so, “I love my mamma. She does scold me for my bad doings but I know she does so, because she loves me.  But now, Mamma is so busy that I can only see her running around. She doesn’t sit with me or play with me anymore. So papa plays with me after office. I think she loves her class children more now. May be they listen to her very well.” Honestly speaking, when I heard this, I was lost. I didn’t hear another word anyone said. I did realize then that I have officially become a bad mother now.

That was my wake up call. And I changed, from the exact day on wards I made sure that as soon as I came home I would hold her and share my whole day with her. And when she slept at night I was on my school work. My performance at school did deteriorate from then though, but no one complained. Gradually due to this unhealthy routine of mine my health began complaining and finally at the end of the academic year, I resigned. It was painful and joyous at the same moment to do so. A huge lesson I learnt, I must say. All, our children want is love, attention, a feeling they are important to us. They need to know that! All the other of their necessities can be met with alternatives except for your love! No one can give them your share of love. And no matter  how big they become, they will always seek your love if you constantly give them. 

Published by chanjalsworld

A writer, blogger, Painting Artist who loves to express.

One thought on “YUVIKA’s MOM

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