A page from the diary of a depressed
“Have you ever felt like you dont want to be seen, known, or even exist? I wonder why? The overwhelming feeling that makes you want to cry even when you dont know why. I just feel i could disappear from everyone’s memories. Like, i shouldn’t be close to anyone… i shouldn’t let anyone know me. This over whelminng feeling is just uncontainable.
Things i loved till yesterday suddenly seemed uninteresting. Things i look forwarded to seems a nuisance now. People i adored, omg! I want to soooo avoid. I want to just disappear! I can feel my heart beat every time… i want all this to stop. I want the dark clouds to just go away. Let me feel the way i felt till yesterday.
Whenever i saw something inspirational about self-love, i thought,’ Oh, i love myself so much!’ But did i? i wonder now. How can i feel so down and low just because i said ‘ i cant’ to something i felt was affecting me? The funny part is that everyone is Ok with it. They found other options to get the work done …. but yet the guilt in me is killing me from the inside. I feel like i am not good enough! I am incompetent! I am a burden! I just let the world down! Omg! Everyone is going to hate me! Everyone is going to curse me inside while they smile at me! And i dont have a single instance to prove any of these thoughts.
I did share how i felt to one of them, and they brushed me off that i am overthinking, and i am overreacting. But. I am not able to control it! So, what do i do? I tried pinging my friends, but a part of me, dont want them to know this side of me… what if they hate me? What if they dont want to talk to me anymore?!! What if they … judge me? So i kept deleting my texts… oh, how i wish there was a hole for me, and i could hide in there forever!!!”
