A pain rooted smile

She looked into the mirror and never liked what she saw. She felt like a pig with flabs everywhere. ” i love myself” she whispered, forcing herself to love herself, but the tears rolled down her cheek seeing how disproportionate she had become. Ridhima had been dieting and working out but nothing seemed to work.

She was never bothered about her figure after her marriage as she was busy pleasing everyone with their pleasures and necessities. She was happy being herself and letting time take over until, years back she caught Bharat, her husband with her friend. Her friend Nina, was a complete opposite of her. Her life was all about travelling, exploring and looking pretty as she believed the other little humans in her life, like her partner and kids, know how to survive. Nina was the epitome of selfishness! Yet she was an amazing friend. When ever Ridhima had a set back, Nina was there to listen to her and help her regain her strength. But never did ever she imagine that Nina, of all the people, would back stab her so.

Ridhima was a mother of 2 beautiful kids and she realized, life was not just about her anymore. When the world reassured that she had to choose herself first, Ridhima decided to keep her kids first. She chose to believe the words of regret Bharath showered on her upon being caught. But fortunately, it was the right decision she took. Bharath was genuinely regretting his actions. He did all he could to reassure Ridhima that he would never hurt her again.

Though the whole incident was way in the past, the imapact had changed Ridhima from the inside. Bharath had kept his word and never made Ridhima worry about any such matter again. Neither did Ridhima ever bring it up in her words or actions. But everytime Ridhima looked in the mirror, the notion of Bharath having seen Nina’s beautiful figure haunts her. Ridhima had been straining herself to get back to shape. But even when she she lost oodles of pounds, her tired skin made her feel insecure. When the world can been fooled with corsets and shapers, Bharath would see her otherwise is what haunted her.

Even to this day, when a beautiful woman pass by, ridhima would side glance Bharath without him noticing, ensuring if he was attracted to the other lady. She felt like a failure as a woman, as she believed she was not attractive to her husband anymore. Even when Bharath never showed interest to any other women, Ridhima believed it is just on the outside and he was attracted to every beautiful woman in reality. Ridhima wanted to look beautiful with a perfect figure and a flat stomach so as to win Bharath’s attention again! Forgetting that perfection was an illusion to begin with.

While to the world she was a happy lucky woman who had a beautiful career, 2 lovely kids and a perfect husband; she died inside every moment hating the way she was and inspiring to be a perfect woman for him, her husband. Yes, the efforts were fruitful and the world envied even more for a beautiful transition she had and Bharath, of all the people was the one who was attaracted to her, the most; but alas, Ridhima was in a state of denial and believed she was ugly to Bharath.

There are a zillion smiles, we see everyday, but every smile need not be the smile it seems, it can also be the reflection of a never ending pain in their hearts.

Published by chanjalsworld

A writer, blogger, Painting Artist who loves to express.

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